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Your Space – “Ian’s Skit”


Ian Bell- Age 15

As a person that is under the age of 20 in 2010 I am subjected to an unrelenting barrage of temptations. I am in a good place. My experience with banned substances is close to nonexistent and I don’t think that smoking makes a person better.

However, no matter how much it doesn’t look like it, I actually do care about how other people see me. Not everyone’s opinion matters, but for the people I respect, it does. Thus I do feel the slightest amount of guilt when I am refusing the package of vanilla cigarettes that my friend ‘borrowed’ from the guy in 12th year that always wears sunglasses and doesn’t have a name.

The following is a scenario in which I attend a party where I refuse all manner of substances I have seen with my own eyes. Hence I do not have a witty excuse for heroin. (I am of age in this party). In addition I understand I won’t go to a party and receive free drugs. But otherwise this wouldn’t work.

(Ian arrives at the party).

Ian- Hello! Great party! Who’s hosting this?

ND- Karen is! AHAHAHAHAH! Karen is a major slut!

Ian- That’s not very nice to say. How would you feel if society’s double standard was turned on you?

ND- Whatever man! Let’s get wasted!

Ian- I think that might be a bad idea. I am trying my best to not become like my stepdad. He had a lot of problems with that kind of thing. My mom was always yelling about something being wrong with him. I will have one however.

(Ian suppresses some tears, gets a beer while ‘name deleted’ wonders if he might want to get some water)

Ian- I wonder who’s downstairs.

(He goes downstairs and enters a room thick with heavy smoke. People are lying around all over the place. )

Ian- Ok. Wrong room.

Random stoner- Dude! Whassup my brotha? You wanna joint?

Ian- No thanks. I don’t like half baked and I don’t think I want to be some poor imitation of the cottonmouth kings.

Random stoner- whatever man, medicinal.

Ian-  It’s not good for you when your lungs are filled with tar.

(Ian leaves, the stoner decides to get something to eat. As Ian heads toward the backyard a woman with dreadlocks comes near)

Woman- I like your shirt.

Ian- Hey thanks! You’re a fan of Pink Floyd?

Woman- Totally! You ever tried acid with that?

Ian- Oh no. Pink Floyd is already too deep. I fear that my head would explode. Also it’s 2013. The 70’s are over. Try something different.

Woman- Well, I never!

Ian- A 60’s phrase. Acid has been mean to her.

(Ian heads toward the backyard).

Ian- Hey! What’s everyone doing?

Random smoker- Nothing really. Want a light?

Ian- No thanks. I don’t.

Random Smoker- Why not?

Ian- I only smoke cloves.

(Ian walks away and the one or 2 Goth girls/kids around become impressed.)

Ian- That party sucked. I think I will just go do something else with some real friends.



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