Honestly, it takes practice.  Nobody is born being assertive.  Being assertive requires a lot of work.  Here are some helpful pointers to keep in mind:

• Assertive communication is all about sharing conversations. A big part of being assertive is active listening; show your respect for others by giving them your full attention rather than dominating discussions.
• While anger and jealousy are normal human emotions, an assertive communicator avoids blaming and name-calling. They also make the effort to be honest about feelings without losing control or blowing their top.
• It is ok to rehearse what you are going to say ahead of time.  Say for instance you need to talk to your grumpy boss about a pay-raise, it may be useful to prepare for this challenging situation by role-playing with a friend.  This will give you the opportunity to carefully pick your words, build up confidence, and get encouragement and valuable feedback from your friend.
• Stand firm.  Calmly let others know that they cannot pressure or bully you.  If you are able to stay level-headed and explain your position and feelings in a manner that shows others that you are strong, self-confident, and in control, you should gain their respect.
• Be willing to apologize.  Because being assertive at all times is impossible, an assertive communicator must be able to own-up to their mistakes. They have to be capable of saying sorry (and meaning it) when they realize that they have been insensitive or hurt someone’s feelings.
• It is ok to say no. You don’t need to and cannot please everybody.  You don’t need to yell no, you can just say no.  If you stretch yourself to the point where you are making sure everyone else’s needs are met and not your own, then you will only feel worse.

This is a hard question to answer because everyone is different. Often those people spreading rumors (whether they are true or not) are very immature. People who spread rumors have very little going on or enjoyable in their own lives so they become preoccupied with other people’s business.

When you are the victim of a rumor (regardless of whether it is true or not) it can be a very difficult time.  Often people feel embarrassed and humiliated. Sometimes, choosing to ignore them and trying really hard not to let them get to you can help, especially if you have some good friends to support you. Unfortunately sometimes when we try to deny rumors, it can add more fuel to the fire because then the person who spread the rumor knows they got to you. They are totally not worth your valuable time and energy.  If the rumor is affecting your life and is stopping you from doing activities that you normally do, I would encourage you to talk to a teacher you trust or a guidance counselor.  Every school in Manitoba has an anti-harassment policy which students can use to end discrimination or harassment they are facing.  It has happened that students who had been harassing another student were suspended or expelled from school.