This is for you the boy who broke some hearts
that silly boy who ripped it to parts
here’s another song just for you

I’ll drown away my sorrow
I’ll take another sip
You’ve stripped me of emotion
I’ll just bite my lip

Even when I’m smiling
I’m crying on the inside
Every time I laugh
it’s a mask so I might hide

This is for you the boy who broke my heart
you, the stupid boy who ripped it apart
here’s one last song only for you

I may start to scream
excuse me if I yell
you tore me at the seam
you’ve made my life hell

I’ll cry as I have been hurt
I can’t lie anymore
you treated me like dirt

At times I feel so alone
who’s here standing next to me
will anyone help
who will that be

When was wrong ever right
I’ve seen you try to talk
yet, it always turns into a fight

I never asked to be abused
I wanted love
I never asked to be bruised
I wanted love

This is for you the boy who broke my heart
let me open your eyes to a cycle we let start
here’s one last song just for you
here’s one last song to say we’re through

By Alicia

(Teen Talk’s note: If want to learn more about unhealthy and healthy relationships, check out our teen dating violence section. To learn about what you can do if you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, click here. The page also has information on how to stop using abuse. If you need to talk to someone, you can call the Klinic Crisis Line at 1-888-322-3019.)

This is a really good question. Sometimes people give excuses for their abusive behaviour, but there is never a good reason to use abuse. Ultimately, it boils down to a choice someone makes.  It is true that:

• Some people grow up experiencing abuse.
• Some people are insecure so they try to control other people to give themselves a greater sense of power. 
• Some people don’t value or respect women and choose to abuse them. 
• Some people don’t know how to deal with their pain so they abuse others.
• Some people may drink or do drugs and then let out their issues by becoming abusive. 
• Some people may claim that they have a bad temper or just get so angry that they lose control. 

NONE of these things excuse abuse. Abuse is always wrong.

Abuse is a choice. Someone who has been abusive can change if they work very hard at taking responsibility for their behaviour. They have to admit they are abusive and start to learn how to deal with their emotions differently. Often counselling is needed to make lasting changes, and someone could go to drop-in counselling at 545 Broadway in Winnipeg. Ending the relationship can also help stop the abuse. If you or someone you know is using abuse, try calling the Klinic Crisis Line at 1-888-322-3019.

Abuse is common. It is difficult to know exactly how many people are in abusive relationships, since many people don’t report it.

They may not report abuse for the following reasons: don’t know who to talk to, have low self-esteem, are worried that others won’t believe them, are afraid the abuse will get worse, are worried about what will happen to that person etc. It’s always important to start by telling someone you trust about the abuse.

Here are some upsetting statistics on violence in relationships:

• 51% of girls in a steady dating relationship experience verbal abuse
• 31% of girls report sexual abuse
• 20% of girls report physical abuse
• 51% of females have been physically or sexually assaulted SINCE the age of 16
• Average age for the first physically violent dating experience is 15
• If a young woman becomes pregnant, she is 4 times more likely to experience physical abuse from her male partner.

If you know someone that is being abused, it is important for you to listen to them and be supportive. Don’t judge them or try to control them. Try to encourage them to talk to someone like a counsellor, teacher, parent or phone line. You can also get help for yourself if you feel overwhelmed or upset.  If you’re unsure of who to turn to, call the Klinic Crisis Line: 1-888-322-3019 (open 24/7, free, anonymous, and private).

There are a number of different warning signs that you may be in an abusive relationship. Abuse might be happening if your partner:

• puts you down
• criticizes your clothes, your friends, or the way you look
• follows you around, phones/texts you all the time and demands to know where you are
• tries to cut you off from your friends or family
• hits, shoves, pinches, slaps you or throws things at you
• threatens to hurt you or themselves if you leave
• blames you for the hurtful things they say or do
• tries to force you to have sex when you don’t want to

If you have any or all of these types of behavior in your relationship, this is a sign that it is an abusive relationship. Don’t hesitate to call the Klinic Crisis Line at 1-888-322-3019, 24-7, free, confidential.

Recognizing and admitting that you need to change your behaviour is the first step. You have to take responsibility for your actions without blaming your partner.  Talking about it with someone you trust is also very important. It helps you look at your behaviour and learn new ways of dealing with your emotions. You should also think about leaving the relationship, to give you and the other person space.

You can speak with a guidance counsellor or visit a teen clinic. You could also call the Klinic Crisis Line at 1-888-322-3019. If you live in Winnipeg, you could go to Klinic on Broadway (545 Broadway) for free drop-in counselling Monday to Wednesday from 12:00 to 7:00 pm and Friday and Saturday from 12:00 to 4:00 pm.  It is free and you don’t need permission from your parents.

Yes, anyone can experience abuse in a dating relationship. Whether they are dating other guys or girls, males can experience all forms of abuse. That being said, we know that females are abused more than males. Teenage girls experience up to three times the physical violence as boys do in relationships. Also, most sexual assault affects women.

Often it’s difficult for a guy to come forward to get help because society expects him to act tough. If he tells people that he is being abused, some people might ridicule him or not believe what he says.

Anyone who is being abused should talk to someone they trust. A guidance counsellor, the Klinic Crisis Line (786-8686 or 1-888-322-3019) or a drop-in counsellor at 545 Broadway in Winnipeg can all listen and offer support.

When someone is abused as child, it can be very traumatic and affect them in a really big way. Abuse is NEVER the child’s fault, and it does NOT mean they will become abusive when they are older. In fact, a lot of people who experience abuse when they’re younger decide that they never want anyone else to be abused like they were.

It is true that some people who are abused as children will use abuse when they are older (as will some people who weren’t abused). A bad childhood is not an excuse for using abuse. It could be that the person is unsure about how to deal with their feelings, and tries to take it out on someone else. If someone was in this situation, they should admit that they are using abuse and talk to someone about it at a Teen Clinic, a counselor at school, or call the Klinic Crisis Line at 1-888-322-3019.

Yes, it is possible! Everyone deserves a healthy relationship, and you should expect one. Knowing the qualities of a healthy relationship can make is easier to see when things are unhealthy. Respect, fun, support, understanding, and space (among other things) are parts of a healthy relationship. If we don’t see these things in our relationship, then we could be in an abusive relationship.

Of course, relationships can take work too, and we can’t expect it to be perfect all the time! To make a our relationships even better, we can try to find other healthy relationships to model ourselves after. This can be difficult, because we don’t often see healthy relationships on t.v. or in the world around us.

The best way to avoid abuse is to expect a healthy relationship. You have the right to be in a relationship built on respect, trust, good communication and affection. If a relationship feels bad, don’t ignore your feelings or second guess yourself. Being in a relationship should be fun and make you feel good. You shouldn’t be stressed out and afraid of your partner.

Some warning signs of abuse are jealousy, putdowns, isolation, sexual pressure and criticism of friends and family.  If you need to talk or want to ask questions about abuse in relationships call Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 or Klinic at 1-888-322-3019.