Check out these two videos from our youth corner explaining consent: Part 1 and Part 2

You have the right to be asked before any kind of sexual activity.

Asking for permission for any type of sexy time is called getting “consent.” So if someone wants to touch your bum, they have to ask, “Is it okay if I touch your bum?” and they have to hear a clear “YES!” before anything happens. Everything other than YES, means NO! Sexual activity does not just mean sex, it includes kissing, hugging, making out, cuddling, touching someone’s bum or any other part of their body.

Asking for permission/consent for sexy time does not have to sound super formal, there are other ways to find out what your partner wants without saying, “Can I touch your bum?” or “Would you like to have sexual intercourse?”

Here are some suggestions to help you get started:

• “Would this be okay for you?”
• “Are you comfortable with this?”
• “How do you feel about this?”
• “Do you like this?”
• “What are you comfortable with?
• “What do you like?”

We know that consent can be a lot more complicated than just saying “yes.” People don’t always talk about touching/sex before it happens. Many people communicate non-verbally, through eye contact and body language.

The thing is, when you actually talk about sex out loud, you are more likely to get what you want. For example, let’s say you went into an ice cream store that had 30 different flavours. Instead of placing an order, you just signalled with your eyes and head in the direction of the flavour that you wanted. The person working there asks, “do you want banana?” You nod and smile. They give you a banana ice cream cone, but you walk out of the store kicking yourself, thinking that you really wanted the banana split!

This example shows how communicating without talking can lead to people not getting what they want or need. So when it comes to sex, talking about it can make both people feel satisfied. (Sex can be sexy and fun and talking about what you and your partner like and are comfortable with, means both people can have a great time.)

A few things about consent:

1) If someone thinks they received non-verbal consent for sex but the other person really wasn’t interested, then it could lead to rape or sexual coercion if they act on their mistaken belief. It’s definitely better for both people if they are both into what is going on, as opposed to one person feeling uncomfortable.

2) You have the right to change your mind at any point and sex has to stop. Not stopping when the other person wants to is called sexual assault.  People are entirely capable of stopping sex, just think—if you and your partner were having sex and your grandma walked in, would you say, “Just a minute Grandma, we’re not quite done.” NO, you would stop.  So, if you would stop to respect your Grandma, then you can definitely stop to respect your partner when they ask you to.

3) You have the right to say “NO” and have that “NO” be respected! Trying to convince  someone to change their no into a yes is called coercion. Coercion can happen if someone keeps asking even after their partner said no, or tries to threaten or bribe them by saying things like, “if you loved me you would” or “my ex would do this with me, why won’t you?” Sexual coercion is disrespectful and is a form of sexual assault.

4) Nobody has the right to ask you to consent to sex when you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Why is this the case?” We know that sex does sometimes happen when one or both people are drunk/high. We also know that people can make different choices after using drugs or alcohol than they would usually make. So sometimes people try to get their partner drunk or high in order to have sex with them and take advantage of them. This is sexual assault and is recognized by the law which means that the person that feels they were taken advantage of, can press charges.